CHELLIE BELLIE

CLOUDS! :)

Tue, 09 Mar 2004 02:20:08 GMT

Yeah...I've been told I always have my head in the clouds...LOL So I took these awesome pictures on an awesome day...Just thought I'd share..They look close enough to touch!

Need your help guys :)

Thu, 26 Feb 2004 07:46:35 GMT

Ok guys, my friend Todd is part of this great band Called AndroidEthic....you can check out their site here.......http://androidethic.com/ If you like their music...Please pass on the link in your journal. I told him I'd do what I could to help spread the word :) Thanks ...you're the best!! *smooches* Chellie

Fri, 13 Feb 2004 15:53:44 GMT

There is a lot to go through after someone dies. It`s been a couple days, and I think it`s starting to think in for everyone. I`m thinking for me, that I hope it just hasn`t hit me yet, because right now, I don`t feel anything. I am numb...I see everyone around me crying, and I just don`t know what to feel.

I do know there are pictures of him that my mom and dad took of him about a month ago, that I can`t look at. I figure, if I can`t look at him when he was alive, how am I gonna be able to look at him when he`s not. I think that will be the hardest thing.

My grandmother has taken it pretty well so far, but this morning she woke up crying, so I think it`s starting to sink in for her. I just gave her a hug and didn`t say anything. I didn`t know what to say.

Dad has pretty much taken over getting things ready. Mom is just being there for grammy. I never realized how stressful the days before the funeral are. All that goes into the preperations for it and stuff.

I hate having to be around all these people. I hate how people have to mention how close my grandpa and I were. I don`t know why, but that bothers me. I know he loved me, I know how close we were, STOP REMINDING ME OF IT! I don`t need people I don`t even know coming up to me or calling me and saying, "You have a very special bond"...I KNOW THAT!

I didn`t just lose my grandpa, I lost my best friend. His unconditional love was always something I knew I could look forward to. He loved me, just because I was me, and that was all that mattered. I miss that. Truth is, I`ve missed `him` for a long time now..he`s not been the same for quite sometime. But, now he`s gone. Completely gone. :(

Anyway, I have so many things I need to do today and I don`t even know where to begin. I have to go shopping for something to wear to the funeral, I have to get michael something to wear too. I need to go with dad to get him a new suit. Mom and grammy want something new to wear as well...Plus there has already been people in and out ...so today is gonna be a long day.

I`ll leave you with this...

I Believe

Every now and then soft as breath upon my skin
I feel you come back again
And it’s like you haven’t been gone a moment from my side
Like the tears were never cried
Like the hands of time are holding you and me
And with all my heart I’m sure we’re closer than we ever were
I don’t have to hear or see, I’ve got all the proof I need
There are more than angels watching over me
I believe, I believe

Chorus
That when you die your life goes on
It doesn’t end here when you’re gone
Every soul is filled with light
It never ends and if I’m right
Our love can even reach across eternity
I believe, I believe

Forever, you’re a part of me
Forever, in the heart of me
And I’ll hold you even longer if I can
The people who don’t see the most
Say that I believe in ghosts
And if that makes me crazy, then I am
’cause I believe

There are more than angels watching over me
I believe, I believe

Crushed...

Thu, 12 Feb 2004 00:50:09 GMT

I`m at a big loss for words. I feel like I *need* to write something but what do I write. What do you say when you lose your grandfather and best friend at the same time? :( He passed away at 5:00 this morning. The hospice nurse that was with him said he went peacefully, but that doesn`t mean I`m supposed to be happy that I had to let him go.

On one hand I could be selfish and say, "I wasn`t ready for him to go"...but he always taught me to want what was best for others, and the best thing for him was to go home...and be with God and the rest of his loved ones that have passed on.

Crazy thing is, he`s been gone now for almost 11 hours, and I feel completely numb. Like, I cried for the first two hours he was gone, but then I kind of realized he was in a better place, where he belongs...now I`m just kind of numb to it all. Like I don`t feel anything at all really..and it bothers me. I`m sure it just hasn`t hit me yet. I`m sure that it will sink in and I will be a complete and total mess...but for now. I`m ok.

I miss him :(

!!!A DECLARATION!!!

Thu, 05 Feb 2004 17:52:45 GMT

TODAY IS OFFICALLY OVER!! I'm going back to bed...See ya tomorrow! *frown*

Momma Said There'd Be Days Like This.....

Thu, 05 Feb 2004 16:06:18 GMT

Isn't that a song or something? *sigh* I am having a horrible day, and it's only 10:30. I want to go back to bed and hide under the covers and not come back out until tomorrow. I didn't sleep well last night at all, and yesterday was just the day from hell....so when I got home from work last night I took a shower and then chilled on the couch to watch American Idol. I ended up falling asleep about 9:30 or so and then about 11:30 my brother comes storming in the door, knocking stuff around. I hate being woken up in the first place, but being woken up by someone being rude just doesn't sit at the top of my "Things to be woken up by" list.

He went downstairs, changed his clothes and the came back upstairs. First thing he did was call his soon to be ex-wife and start yelling at her. That went on till the wee hours of the morning, so when I finally did go upstairs to go to sleep....I couldn't sleep anyway. Then my neighbors, who seemed to have forgotten that their bedroom is connected to mine, were gettin' it on and being VERY loud...louder than usual. It sucked. SO I ended up grabbing a pillow and blanket and going in Michaels room and falling asleep with him.

So this morning I overslept...I'm working from home today so it's not so bad, but Michael was late for school.. I got home and his dad calls and starts yelling at me about never calling him back last night. He hung up on me!! I'm supposed to call him back AFTER he hangs up on me? I really think NOT! So then he proceeds to tell me that he'll be here friday evening to pick michael up and that I will have to come pick him up Sunday evening. I'm sorry I've played that game once, I'm not playing it again. If he wants him...he should pick him up and bring him back..only fair! Besides, if he's gonna drive the 3 hours from Atlanta...then why shouldn't he be obligated to drive the 3 hours to bring him back? Then he told me he wasn't paying any more child support until he got regular visitation. It's not MY fault that he doesn't show up when HE says he will! I hate this..it's like a constant fight with him even when he's not here!

I'm just in one of those moods where you feel like everything makes you want to cry and you're not sure why. I'm just feeling all out of whack today...lonely, upset, confused, depressed, bored...you name it I feel it. I don't know what is up. I don't get this way very often, but when I do it isn't a pretty thing. I find myself tearing up over the dumbest, insignificant things, and then the things that should really bother me....really don't.

Oh well, i guess I will go for now. Hope all is well with everyone ...I'll talk to you soon!

Something to Think About...

Fri, 30 Jan 2004 04:43:27 GMT

All i can say about this is wow.....My brother got this from a friend of his..

unplug the phone,
turn the ringer off
no receiving calls tonight
won't hear anything
no more begging,
pleading and endless
screaming.
turn away,
mute it all.
live in blissful,
ignorance while
somewhere
in the world
someone's dying.
and some girl's being pushed down,
hands held above her head and
wrists bound with wire, mouth gagged,
shoved into the ground and raped
by some deprived maniac who gets off
on the power trip of hurting someone else.
somewhere some child's starving,
while some woman's looking down
to see blood on her hands,
flowing from her dress, just another miscarriage,
one more stillborn baby for the graveyards,
just one among the millions.
on some street, some junkie
prepares for the next high,
pulling back the sleeves of his shirt,
and choosing a spot among the faded needlemarks,
maybe this'll be the time that he overdoses and dies.
somewhere some men in the shadows
are pushing drugs onto schoolchildren,
getting them hooked and dependent,
just to raise future generations of other drug addicts.
just doing their job and making some cash,
just to get by cause they have their own kids to feed,
and their own habits to kick.
somewhere some child right now is being molested,
some pedophile is pulling down his jeans
and some kid's life is being tragically altered
cause some mother or father never bothered
to explain the difference between right
and wrong and being violated,
while some other kid's parents are in denial
as halfway around the world some child
finally finds the nerve to unburden themself,
to confess their darkest demon that some years ago,
some relative touched them somewhere they shouldn't have,
and they're broken twice when after the fact,
their parents say they're lying, and take the molester's side,
because their parents never taught them how to deal
with a broken teenager too shaken to ever feel
like other children would, too scared and messed up to ever
even dream of love, must be a figment of the imagination,
too frightened to ever function normal, trust issues and
wondering if it was all their fault and finding failures in themselves.
somewhere some little girl has skinned her knees,
she's fallen and crying and some other child goes to help,
somewhere in the mix of trying to comfort and trying to bandage,
some drops of blood drip from the cut and mix with the other girl's blood,
some year from now she'll find she's hiv positive,
just for trying to help and reaching a hand out to someone in need.
and somewhere some man will be lying on the side of the street,
bleeding from the throat and in his last moments of life,
and cars will keep passing and no one will stop
and when his son finds out, he'll walk into his closet
and pull out a shotgun, walk into the bathroom
and step into the shower, pull the trigger and some
unfortunate neighbor will find his brains splattered all over the tiling.
in some room somewhere sits a guy and a girl,
neither of them ready for sex,
but pressured by circumstance.
somewhere some boy lies in a corner
in a highschool locker room hiding from others
because he remembers last time
when they called him .faggot. and beat him,
threatened his life and laughed all the while,
because their parents never taught them
just what it means to be a human,
and in their intolerance, they seek violence like they always do.
somewhere some girl's just missed her period,
gone to the doctor's and found that she's pregnant
and in a few moments a decision could be reached,
whether to go through with birth or to abort
just as if she were deciding what clothes to wear tomorrow.
somewhere some daughter gets slapped by her stepfather,
while somewhere a woman gets beat by her lover,
and everywhere people scramble to call 911
before it's too late and another life is gone...
some child just had his hand burned on a hot stove
for forgetting and leaving his toys out.
somewhere some newborn's been thrown in the garbage.
some mother just called her daughter fat
and told her that her thighs
were rubbing together as she walked,
that if she didn't watch her weight,
she'd never be attractive.
cocaine's being snorted all around the globe,
and some girls are hanging over the toilet
with their fingers down their throats,
while some other person skips another meal.
in some city, some prostitute is getting paid,
while another is getting some new disease
and her friend is being carved up like a piece of steak
because some john didn't have the cash to pay.
right now some thousands are praying to god
and getting no answers.
some million turn the other way
and pretend they don't see what happens
in their neighbor's house after dark.
in bars worldwide, some mysterious substance
is being discreetly placed into some woman's drink
and some man later stumbles out with his "drunk wife"
and places her down in the back of his vehicle,
and she'll wake up naked and violated,
or missing some organs,
or she might not wake up at all.
somewhere someone else is being buried,
while someone else's grave is being desecrated,
or dug up and jewelry stolen,
while some child's gravestone's littered with toys
and flowers and crosses,
while that child's murderer goes free on probation.
somewhere some redneck makes a racist joke
and all the white people around him laugh
just because they're too afraid to stand up and
say something, too afraid of what people'll think
to stand up for their own ideals and dreams,
and somewhere some man will use his race
to his advantage, he'll scream police brutality
or scream about not getting a job
just because he's a minority even if he's underqualified
while some other minority really is beaten
or judged because of their skin color and it all goes unpunished,
while some teen is on trial for statutory rape
and some innocent man is convicted by a jury
and in another court room, some rich, football star
goes free on a double homicide no matter how guilty
he really is, because money=power and power is everything.
somewhere leaders are lined up before firing squads
and led to their death for trying to lead a revolution,
while some teacher brings his Bible to school,
while some other preaches about evolution and charles darwin.
and somewhere a teacher leads a prayer in school,
while some atheist feels outcasted and some children
show up wearing Bible school outfits, while others
aren't even allowed marilyn manson t-shirts
just because adults are afraid of children thinking for themselves.
somewhere someone places a dollar in a jar,
sitting near a cash register for some worthy cause,
while someone else is stealing cash
from some blind man out in the streets.
in some school parking lot some stranger
is trying so hard to convince some kid
that he's friends with the kid's parents
and was told to pick him up because
his mother's been in a horrible car accident
and in some police office that same man's
convicted record of child pornography lies
beneath a layer of dust and after awhile,
the kid gives in and jumps into the passenger seat.
a landfill of unmended sorrows,
millions of tragedies too complicated
to share with you,
while millions just stay quiet,
because they're too afraid
of the consequences once
they admit that they've been
taken advantage of, beaten,
molested, permanently damaged.
and right at this moment...
someone's daughter and someone's son
and some person's best friend has become another victim.

xwe live in a beautiful worldx

:(

Sun, 25 Jan 2004 18:22:01 GMT

I feel like my life is a mess.

The past couple of days I have felt every emotion I think I can humanly feel. I don't know what to think, what to say, how to feel...It just seems like everytime my life seems to be going in the right direction, something comes along and throws me into an emotional frenzy. All I want is to be happy and for the people around me to be happy, is that so much to ask?

I work in a job that forces me to be positive for the people I work with. It forces me to try and see the good in every possible situation, yet when that situation involes me, I can never look at the positive side of things. I am great at telling everyone else that everything is gonna be ok, but I'm not very good at convincing myself of that. I need someone to hold me once in a while, tell me that everything is going to be alright...but when I NEED that there is NO ONE. Just me, me....to sit here and wallow in my emotional cesspool and wonder how long it will be before I drown. OMG how depressing is that?

I am in a selfish mood. I don't want to be that person that is there for everyone else ...always supporting them and telling them in the end everything will end up ok. Who's gonna be there for me to do that? Who's gonna tell me that everything is going to be ok? It's all a crock of shit. No one really knows how things are going to end up in the end. Including me. I just have to sit there and tell people that so i get paid. The most horrible thing about all that is, I don't want to be that kind of insensitive person that doesn't really care how other people feel, but I feel like I'm becoming just that. For today anyway. I don't think I could ever stay that way.

I guess the past couple of days have really done a number on me. I hate when you have so much to say to someone but you can't say it. I hate when you care so much about someone but can't show it. I HATE IT! I hate that i'm feeling the way I'm feeling today. I hate that one person I care so much about is suffering and I can't do anything about it. I hate that other people continue to play mind games with me even after I've done all that I could to make them stop. I hate a lot of things today...GRRRRR

I think i'm stopping this entry right now....

LAKE PICTURES :)

Mon, 29 Dec 2003 00:49:30 GMT

Fri, 19 Dec 2003 17:12:56 GMT

I'm still alive if anybody cares...I'm leaving for Ohio in about an hour...i might post more later...I might not... See ya

Fri, 12 Dec 2003 16:50:36 GMT

I don't know why I bother....fuck it :(

Obess Much?

Fri, 12 Dec 2003 03:42:30 GMT

I am so obsessive over things sometimes. It's really rediculous. Today at work we were given our assignments for next weeks secret santas. Well, I was given the most picky, rude, inconsiderate, unappreciative, stuck up ~~bitch~~ chick that I work with. Last year, my friend Kendall had her, and all she did was complain about how 'cheap' the gifts she got were. So, of course I freaked out thinking "Omg what am I going to get her that isn't 'cheap'?!?!"

So I wandered around the mall for 2 1/2 hours after work looking for stuff for secret santa and I spent 100 bucks!! I'm insane! I really need to stop obsessing over things. I mean it's not like it happens all the time, but when it does it...really sucks. So even now, I am thinking "are these cheap?" lol I really need to stop. I don't look forward to it at all...I can hear her now. If she makes one comment i'll knock her ass out.

Michael has a gift exchange at school too. He saw a tonka truck at toys r us he wants to get for his friend...I told him probably not. So Dad took him shopping and got him that truck..now he doesn't want to give it away. I think that was his motive all along lol. Smart lil boy. So, I told dad he needs to go tomorrow and get a gift for his little friend lol.

Gary isn't able to come down this weekend and since I only work half a day on Friday, Dad said he'd watch Michael for me this weekend so I can go up and spend it with him. I'm actually really considering moving there instead of him moving here. I actually really like it there, and think it would just be better for all of us...especially if I can get a good job doing what I want there. It will still take a lot of thought but i'm leaning towards it...Will be a big step.

I am so tired, and my blood sugar is so out of whack I feel like I'm dizzy all the time. If it keeps up..I guess I'll have to go the dr, cus this sucks. I need to invest in one of those things that check my blood sugar level.

Anyway, I'm gonna go. I need to call Gary and then go to bed. Have a good night guys!

My Three Things...Stolen From wbahner

Wed, 10 Dec 2003 03:27:44 GMT

THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND
1. Men
2. Love
3. Stupidity

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME
1. Spiders
2. Something happening to my son
3. Feeling insignificant

THREE THINGS I'D LIKE TO LEARN
1. How to take better pictures
2. How to be more patient
3. How to trust more wisely

THREE THINGS I AM WEARING RIGHT NOW
1. A TN titans sweatshirt
2. Grey sweats
3. Taz slippers

THREE THINGS ON MY DESK
1. My Phone
2. Michael's cup
3. My keys

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
1. Visit Italy Again
2. Go to the land down under
3. See the world become a better place

THREE GOOD THINGS ABOUT MY PERSONALITY
1. Honest
2. Great friend
3. Trusting

THREE BAD THINGS ABOUT MY PERSONALITY
1. Impatient
2. Trusting
3. Cynical *these were all me*

THREE PARTS OF MY HERITAGE
1. Italian
2. German
3. English ( i think) lol

THREE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
1. My legs
2. My eyes
3. My smile

THREE THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
1. My one bad knee
2. My ears
3. My feet

THREE THINGS MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME(UNTIL NOW)
1. I'm diabetic
2. I aced Psychology my first year of college because I was dating the professors son
3. My biggest fear is being alone

THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST
1. Whatever
2. I mean
3. My God

THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO

That went...

Tue, 09 Dec 2003 21:37:43 GMT

better than I expected. I spent 20 minutes outside the mediation room waiting for Rob to even show up...I was almost hoping he wouldn't but then nothing would have been solved. We went in and the hearing started, they went through all the mumbo jumbo of what we were there for and blah blah blah...they asked what we wanted to see happen, we told them. They gave us two offers...either 60% and 40% since Rob makes more than I do..or 50% and 50% and we can just do it evenly...we agreed on that.

Like I've said before I never really wanted support from him, but if he wasn't going to be in his life...he needed to do something. Well after court, we walked outside together and actually ended up sitting in my car talking for almost an hour about things. He wants michael the weekend after Christmas so he can see his family. I agreed to let him take him ONLY if he promises me no more games. He did, and he seemed pretty adamant about it.

He gave me a check today for 600 dollars and told me to consider that support he should have paid before. He also asked if he could see Michael today for a couple of hours, so he has him now. He said he is going to explain to Michael why he doesn't live here anymore and why he doesn't see him as often. He also said he would call more often now. We'll see. I really hope he is serious about being part of his life again.

We talked about my situation as well with Gary. He knows the whole story and seemed pretty ok with it. He said as long as I was happy he had no problems. He knows Michael loves him and I told him how much Gary loves and accepts Michael, so now that's over with I feel much better.

Hopefully it all stays that way. I was really worried about him throwing a fit over everything and then having to wait even longer but maybe he understands now how serious I am about things.

Anyway, I need to start on dinner, and get some other things accomplished. I'll post more later.

:)

Tue, 09 Dec 2003 03:47:13 GMT

Gary has a journal...if any of you would like to add him :) He doesn't have any friends...besides me :)

psylent_g

:)

Grrr

Mon, 08 Dec 2003 22:38:48 GMT

I swear it's like the Post Office just wants to rip you off anyway they can..I was on my way home and I hear on the radio that you have to pay extra postage on square christmas cards....I BOUGHT SQUARE CARDS!! Lol So yeah, now it's like 50 cents a card....How much does that suck...Where is THEIR christmas Spirit?!?!

Anyone Else Ever Have A Sore Tongue?

Sun, 30 Nov 2003 16:36:45 GMT

I have some weird freaky thing going on with my body right now. For the past couple of days I've had that feeling you get before you really really get sick. Like with the flu. Body aches, one minute you're sweating to death, the next you're teeth are chattering, dizzy spells, and the weirdest symptom that I've NEVER had....a sore tongue.

Dad made french fries last night, and I couldn't even touch the ketchup. It made my tongue burn like crazy, and any juice or anything like that kills me. And just about everything I drink or eat reminds me how sore it is. I didn't burn it or anything like that, it's just gotten progressively more sore over the past 2 days. I don't understand it and I don't get it...it sucks. And it's weird, and I am really freaking out about it ..LOL Sometimes it's even numb and tingling like when your foot falls asleep lol

But yeah, I feel like ass today. My stuffy nose, my achy body...it all really sucks. I swore I wasn't gonna get sick. I have so much to do around here today too. I have to do laundry, I have to hang blinds, I have to get my room cleaned up...all the clothes and stuff laying all over the place...(hence the laundry)....just so much to do and no energy to do it. Anyone wanna come help me? lol

Gary left this morning at 9:30, and he's already called me 3 times. How funny. He says he's bored driving home by himself. Ohio isn't that far..LOL Anyway, I really do need to go find some motivation...maybe it's in a motivation jar somewhere...*shrug*...Have a good day everyone!

Happy Thanksgiving...

Fri, 28 Nov 2003 04:11:14 GMT

Well, I'm glad today is over even if it seemed to be an pretty good day. I can't believe all the food and people that have been in my house today. I got up at 6:30 this morning to get everything ready for lunch. Dad got up about half an hour later and helped me, while Gary and Michael were still concked out on the couch from last night. I made turkey, mashed potatoes, mac n cheese, cranberry sauce, green bean casserole, Sweet potatoe casserole, buttermilk biscuits, a pumpkin pie and a peanutbutter pie, dad made his juice that he always makes with pineapple juice, sprite, sunkist orange, and hawaiian punch, and Bryan brought beer and strawberry daquri mix, and 2 bags of ice, and pumpkin cookies, then mom and tony ended up bringing their ice cream maker and making home made chocolate mint ice cream. I've eaten so much today, that I can't hardly move now.

It was nice, we had some unexpected visitors show up, but it was good cus Michael and my nieces and nephews had some other kids to play with for a while. We had plenty of food so they stayed and ate dinner with us. Then we all ended up playing that game crainium that you always see the commercials for on tv....it was pretty fun. Gary seemed to fit in well with everyone...it was a blast. Bryan and Gary caught up a lot today, since they've been friends for a long time. I'm sure it was nice for them too. They made plans to go out tomorrow night :)

Then Grammy and Grammy ended up leaving early so they could go to my aunts house for dinner. Mom was a little mad I think but she got over it. I don't know, it was just really nice having my whole family together again, it's been years since that happened :)

Well, I'm stuffed and I want to go watch a movie, so Hope you all had a great great day! :)

oh and

Happy Birthday ANGIE (Spasticandsassy) I love ya Girlie!!

I hope you had a wonderful birthday!!

Am I The Only One That Hates Holidays?

Wed, 26 Nov 2003 02:47:01 GMT

I went grocery shopping today after work for all the stuff for Thanksgiving. I am not a big fan of holidays, and this year it just seems to be worse than ever. For Christmas last year, I was at Dad's...for New Years I was in NYC, For Easter, I'm not sure what I did but it was something with family here, and for 4th of July, I went to a friends and laid drunk in their pool all night. Halloween was only good because Michael had fun, and here it is Thanksgiving and I'm ready to just crawl in bed and sleep till Friday.

It's not bad enough that my all around mood turns horrible at the mere mention of a holiday, but the fact that people become 100% more stupido around holidays almost pushes me over the edge of sanity. Today I left work and drove straight to Krogers, thinking it would be easier to just do all my shopping today instead of waiting until tomorrow, since I hadn't even gotten a turkey or anything yet. So I go in, and the place was packed. People were pushing people, almost running people over with carts. I saw one lady grab a couple of things out of someone eles cart just so she didn't have to go find her own. How pathetic and selfish is that? So I finally got everything on my list and stood in line for 25 minutes because the lady in front of me was obviously buying enough food to feed the troops in iraq. Two carts packed full of stuff.

So I get back to the car, put everything inside and realize there is now a lovely little ding on my fender, from a run away cart no doubt. You can't even really see it unless you really look for it, but I know it's there, and that really pissed me off. So, all the way home I kept trying to chill out because I didn't want to get home with an attitude. When I pulled up Gary came outside to meet me and help carry in groceries. Michael came out and got some of the light stuff, and when everything was inside I threw the stuff that needed to go in the fridge and freezer in them, and then went and plopped down on the couch.

Gary had finished painting the dining room and kitchen, and had also put up all the Thanksgiving decorations we got at the mall last week. Michael picked out this 3 foot inflatable turkey, so it's sitting here in the middle of the living room floor where he left it, only 1/3 of the way inflated lol

I don't know, I just don't feel like my family is really a family anymore, and the holidays just aren't the same as they used to be. I don't get anything out of it anymore really. The only reason I do anything at Christmas at all is because of Michael. I mean I feel like I have a lot to be thankful for this year, but then again I feel like there is so much I could just do without. Mom, Tony and Jazzy are all coming here, along with Grammy, Grampy, Bryan and his 2 daughters, Chuck, Jenna and Colin, and then there will be of course, me, Gary and Michael. 14 people in my little dining room...that should be fun.

I am also going to walmart at 5 am on Friday and pick up some stuff that is really marked down. I plan on getting a dvd player and a new tv for Michael's room for him for Christmas. I also want to get him a remote control hummer that he saw that he really wants. He's real into trucks and cars and stuff so I want to get him a bunch of those..and of course some clothes. I have some other stuff I want to pick up for some other people too. So yeah, that should be fun...lol

Anyway, I'm gonna go. I'm starting to get a little tired of LJ...So if I'm not around much that's probably why....Talk to you guys soon... :)

xoxox,
<3 Chellie

OMG

Sun, 23 Nov 2003 22:55:16 GMT

THIS HAS GOT TO BE THE MOST ANNOYING POST EVER!!

I know he thinks I'm stupid...And he's been found the F**K out!

Fri, 21 Nov 2003 04:00:46 GMT

So today, I was sitting at Mom's talking to my lawyer on the phone. He sent a letter to Rob Monday about Child Support. Our Court date is December 17th. Anyway, I decided to call his dad to see if he would give me the number to Rob's cell, because he loves me and will do more for me than his own son..but anyway, So I call and it rings three times and who answers? Rob. So I was like Did you get the letter the lawyer mailed to you? He hung up. How childish? So I called back....

ring

ring

ring....no answer. So I hung up...called back again

ring

ring

ring...click, click...dialtone...WHAT AN ASSHOLE! So I waited an hour and called back again, this time his Dad answered. So I asked him wtf jackasses problem was but he didn't know. He said he had been like that since he had moved there. So I asked him if he had the address to where he was staying (The lawyer sent the letter to his dad's) and he laughed. I asked what he was laughing about and he said "He's living here Silly"...LMAO Ok, so what happened to "His family"? So I just nonchalantly asked if she was living there too, and he said no, as far as he knew she lived here in Knoxville. UH HUH So BIG lie...someone is a fibber..and it looks like it's

ROB!

So I asked his Dad if he knew what her last name was, and he said he wasn't sure but that it was on an envelope in the den, so I waited while he got it, and then after hanging up with him I called 411 and asked for a number...sure enough it was listed. So me being me I called...no answer, so I got online and looked up her address and drove there cus she only lives like 5 minutes away from me, and it's right on my way home! LOL I hate drama but I really needed to know what the hell was going on. So I walked up to her door and knocked. She came to the door and when she saw me I couldn't believe the look on her face. It was priceless! I asked her if I could talk to her and she hesitated but still let me in.

So what I found out was, the baby she is carrying is not Rob's child. She has only been seeing Rob for about 6 months on and off, and it wasn't until recently that she thought they were serious. She said Rob told her he was moving back to Atlanta to live with his dad and help him out with some bills and stuff since he's the only one living there now. He also told her that Michael was MY son, and not his...and that when we were together I got him to start calling him daddy...She was none too happy to hear about his ~~little~~

HUGE

lie! Then she tells me that the reason she didn't go with him when he moved there was because she didn't want to live with him in his dad's house, and that she really didn't want to leave her family. So that was another LIE. I asked her if Rob knew the baby wasn't his, and she said he always knew that. So Yeah, I'm really really glad he's gone...But Karma is kicking his ass and I LOVE IT!

So yeah, today was a pretty eventful day. I called my lawyer and told him all about what I found out. Don't know if that will count much in court for anything except to prove how much of liar he is...Oh well, it's his own fault...as long as Michael is taken care of...that's all that matters to me. I'm still sitting here wondering if this has all been so incredibly crazy dream...

Speaking of crazy dreams....I had a doozy the other night....Still spooky LOL

I don't remember exactly how it started, but I what I remember was....I had gone to my friends house and picked her up and then she, myself and my mom all went to the airport and got on this big cargo plane, but the inside of it was all posh and stuff...like big huge reclining chairs and mauve carpets and stuff...and there were only about 10 people on the plane...so we were all sitting there talking and the flight was only going to NYC but it was taking forever. So I decided to go take a shower (On a plane mind you) and the showers were way down in the cargo area of the plane, and it was like a locker room, all dim and damp..LMAO...so I took a shower and I come out and my clothes are all wet, so I just wrapped a towel around me and went back to my seat..and no one seemed to care or notice that all I had on was a towel. So I sit there in my seat just chatting away and notice this guy staring at me. He comes over and asks to kiss my hand and I let him, and then he starts talking to me, and telling me about this cabin he has in the adirondacks and how he would love if me and my mom and friend would come stay with him. So then suddenly I'm fully clothed again and climbing off the plane. Then the next thing I remember was wandering around NYC but it looked a lot like london..LMAO not that I've ever been there to compare it to it or anything..lol but then it skipped to this guys cabin in the mountians...and he's like kissing me and telling me he loves me and stuff...and then he gives me this necklace..like the one on the kay jewlers commercials...LMAO and then I woke up...So yeah, I'm insane..LOL

So anyway, I guess I will leave y'all with that...and hope y'all are having a great night!

The Best Day! :)

Wed, 19 Nov 2003 04:28:07 GMT

I had the best day today, and I didn't really do anything really lol I went to therapy this morning and then went out to brunch with my mom. We had the best conversation, and then we went shopping, that always puts me in a good mood. We picked Michael up from school and then headed back to her house so that I could get my car. I stopped at Krogers on the way home and bought a bunch of groceries. When I got home Gary and Dad gone, so Michael and I carried in the groceries - He's such a good helper.

Dad's been a real grump lately. He's hardly here anymore, and when he is he's always complaining about something. He threw a fit today because the batteries in the remote were dead. I had bought some batteries at the store for it, so I told him to get them out of the kitchen and he just looks at me and throws the remote down on the couch and goes downstairs. So then I put the new batteries in the remote and when he comes back upstairs and notices that it works, he's like "Why didn't you tell me you got batteries?" Grr. So then he leaves again and still hasn't come home. He's been spending a lot of time at his bed and breakfast...so I'm hoping maybe he'll just move up there.

After Gary got back, we all got ready and went to see Elf at towne mall but when we got there, Michael saw the sign for brother bear, so he HAD to see that instead. It was really cute so it wasn't a bad choice after all :) Then we went to Grammy's so she could meet Gary finally. After that we came home and he fixed this great Chicken alfredo and garlic bread....and now I'm sitting here checking my mail, updating this journal, and listening Gary play the guitar :)

Anyway, Hope you guys had a great day like I did :) I could get used to this!! :)

Today's Funny

Mon, 17 Nov 2003 16:35:51 GMT

A guy starts a new job, and the boss says, "If you marry my daughter, I'll make you a partner, give you an expense account, a Mercedes, and a million dollar annual salary."

The guy says, "What's wrong with her?"

The boss shows him a picture, and she's hideous.

The boss says, "It's only fair to tell you, she's not only ugly, she's as dumb as a wall."

The guy says, "I don't care what you offer me, it ain't worth it."

The boss says, "I'll give you a five million dollar salary and build you a mansion on Long Island."

The guy accepts, figuring he can put a bag over her head when they have sex.

About a year later, the guy buys an original Van Gogh and he's about to hang it on the wall.

He climbs a ladder and yells to his wife, "Bring me a hammer."

She mumbles, "Get the hammer. Get the hammer," and she fetches the hammer.

The guy says, "Get me some nails."

She mumbles, "Get the nails. Get the nails," and she gets him some nails.

The guys starts hammering a nail into the wall, he hits his thumb, and he yells, "Fuck!"

She mumbles, "Get the bag. Get the bag."

Too tired to think of a subject....

Mon, 17 Nov 2003 16:02:05 GMT

I have one thing to say...KY highways suck...what is up with the 30717909543 numbers? Finally I noticed on one sign it said formerly...and then there were normal numbers. I guess y'all got tired of them too? LOL

Anyway, Grammy called me early yesterday morning and asked me to take her to some tiny little town not far from the ohio border to see her great-nephew who has obviously banished himself to a jail in lewis county, that doesn't believe in speedy court dates. It was a 5 hour drive just to see this idiot for 15 minutes. How stupid is that? But grammy was almost in tears when she asked me, because it's her sister's grandbaby (he's 20) and she just had surgery and is on oxygen and stuff, and she had no way of going to see him herself, and she called grammy all upset thinking he was getting really down in the dumps and might do something stupid, so we had to drive an insane distance for 15 minutes just to make sure the waste of space didn't do something to spare the world of his exisitence. I know that sounds harsh, but he's been in and out of jail for most of his life, so this is nothing new. What is new though, is he lives in maysville with his grandma, and somehow ended up in some tiny town called Vanceburg. It's only about 30 miles or so from Maysville, but still too far for his grandma to go. Right now, walking out on her porch is a chore for her.

So anyway, we got to the jail about 10:00 and had to wait in line forever with all these parents and little girlfriends waiting to see their sons/boyfriends/husbands. It was quite comical actually. The jail there is tiny, sits right off a street they call Railroad street, because there are railroad tracks that run directly in front of it. It's a little brick building, with an arch at the entrance - their little way of trying to make it seem like an important place I guess. The town itself is a "Quiet little river town" or so it said on their "Welcome to Vanceburg" sign. Anyway, every jail I've ever been to, has always had a huge waiting room, a huge visiting room, and a window where you signed in. This place was so small, that you walked in the door, into a 5 x 5 space, where there were two doors...one to where the prisoners were actually kept, that you had to knock on to have someone bring you the sign in book, and another that went into another 5 x 5 room where there were two phones, two stools and two tiny windows where you visited for 15 minutes! So we signed in, then waited

and waited

and waited

and waited...and finally we got up far enough that there were only about 10 people before us, so I sat down on the bench with Grammy and we were talking to the other people there. 2 of them had driven from greenup, ky to see their son, another mother was there with her son's girlfriend and her two kids to see him, and then there were a 4 girls waiting to see their boyfriends. What I found so funny about the whole thing, was they all knew each other, simply from meeting there every week to see their 'inmates'. They all knew all about their sons/boyfriends/husbands. Why they were in there, how long they were in there...it was crazy. I also found it funny that every single one of them were in the 'hole'...lol One girl had been looking through the book where you sign in and saw that some other girl had been there to visit her boyfriend and she was going off. It was so a scene from a white trash movie..LOL I mean, the town itself was not all that great either..it's small, it's dirty, and it's obviously got half it's population of delinqents in the 'hole' LOL

So while Grammy was in there visiting with John, I was sitting outside listening to all these people with their thick country accents going off about who was visiting who and why, and how their sons/boyfriends/husbands had been in there so much they should make it a permanent residence...lol One girl said, they should pack her boyfriends things up and put them in a box every time he leaves cus he's for sure gonna be back. That killed me. They were all nice people though lol. 15 minutes seemed like an hour.

So then we drove back to Maysville and visited with grammy's sister for a while. I took my cousin Samantha to walmart to get some diapers and stuff for her baby. He's only 5 weeks old, and oh so cute! So when we got back we had dinner, and then Grammy and I left to come home. 10 hours of driving in one day is not exactly my cup of tea. It probably was more than that by the time the day was over.

I got home just in time to watch CSI..which I thought was gonna be a repeat that I had already seen, but actually I'd only seen bits and pieces of the first part, and most of the 2nd, so I was more than happy to watch it all again, considering I would watch repeats of that show over and over anyway. I love it!! Gary had taken Michael out shopping most of the day and got him some cute shoes and a couple of outfits, and an adorable little pair of sunglasses...Like these....Only they are tinted blue

Gary has the same pair..only tinted dark..LOL

Got Michael to bed, then took a shower and when I got back downstairs Gary was already asleep on the couch lol. So I got online, checked my mail and went to bed myself. Had therapy this morning, called work and let them know the dr. said I can return full time next Monday, and then came home. I think I'm gonna go take a nap! LOL Have a good day everybody!!

Shakes Head

Mon, 17 Nov 2003 00:24:46 GMT

Boobies For Christmas