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CHELLIE BELLIE [entries|friends|calendar]
*Chellie* =o)

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CLOUDS! :) [08 Mar 2004|09:20pm]
[ mood | content ]

Yeah...I've been told I always have my head in the clouds...LOL So I took these awesome pictures on an awesome day...Just thought I'd share..They look close enough to touch!

More CloudsCollapse )
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Need your help guys :) [26 Feb 2004|02:46am]
[ mood | calm ]

Ok guys, my friend Todd is part of this great band Called AndroidEthic....you can check out their site here.......http://androidethic.com/ If you like their music...Please pass on the link in your journal. I told him I'd do what I could to help spread the word :) Thanks ...you're the best!! *smooches* Chellie
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[13 Feb 2004|10:53am]
There is a lot to go through after someone dies. It`s been a couple days, and I think it`s starting to think in for everyone. I`m thinking for me, that I hope it just hasn`t hit me yet, because right now, I don`t feel anything. I am numb...I see everyone around me crying, and I just don`t know what to feel.

I do know there are pictures of him that my mom and dad took of him about a month ago, that I can`t look at. I figure, if I can`t look at him when he was alive, how am I gonna be able to look at him when he`s not. I think that will be the hardest thing.

My grandmother has taken it pretty well so far, but this morning she woke up crying, so I think it`s starting to sink in for her. I just gave her a hug and didn`t say anything. I didn`t know what to say.

Dad has pretty much taken over getting things ready. Mom is just being there for grammy. I never realized how stressful the days before the funeral are. All that goes into the preperations for it and stuff.

I hate having to be around all these people. I hate how people have to mention how close my grandpa and I were. I don`t know why, but that bothers me. I know he loved me, I know how close we were, STOP REMINDING ME OF IT! I don`t need people I don`t even know coming up to me or calling me and saying, "You have a very special bond"...I KNOW THAT!

I didn`t just lose my grandpa, I lost my best friend. His unconditional love was always something I knew I could look forward to. He loved me, just because I was me, and that was all that mattered. I miss that. Truth is, I`ve missed `him` for a long time now..he`s not been the same for quite sometime. But, now he`s gone. Completely gone. :(

Anyway, I have so many things I need to do today and I don`t even know where to begin. I have to go shopping for something to wear to the funeral, I have to get michael something to wear too. I need to go with dad to get him a new suit. Mom and grammy want something new to wear as well...Plus there has already been people in and out ...so today is gonna be a long day.

I`ll leave you with this...

I Believe

Every now and then soft as breath upon my skin
I feel you come back again
And it’s like you haven’t been gone a moment from my side
Like the tears were never cried
Like the hands of time are holding you and me
And with all my heart I’m sure we’re closer than we ever were
I don’t have to hear or see, I’ve got all the proof I need
There are more than angels watching over me
I believe, I believe

That when you die your life goes on
It doesn’t end here when you’re gone
Every soul is filled with light
It never ends and if I’m right
Our love can even reach across eternity
I believe, I believe

Forever, you’re a part of me
Forever, in the heart of me
And I’ll hold you even longer if I can
The people who don’t see the most
Say that I believe in ghosts
And if that makes me crazy, then I am
’cause I believe

There are more than angels watching over me
I believe, I believe
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Crushed... [11 Feb 2004|07:49pm]
I`m at a big loss for words. I feel like I *need* to write something but what do I write. What do you say when you lose your grandfather and best friend at the same time? :( He passed away at 5:00 this morning. The hospice nurse that was with him said he went peacefully, but that doesn`t mean I`m supposed to be happy that I had to let him go.

On one hand I could be selfish and say, "I wasn`t ready for him to go"...but he always taught me to want what was best for others, and the best thing for him was to go home...and be with God and the rest of his loved ones that have passed on.

Crazy thing is, he`s been gone now for almost 11 hours, and I feel completely numb. Like, I cried for the first two hours he was gone, but then I kind of realized he was in a better place, where he belongs...now I`m just kind of numb to it all. Like I don`t feel anything at all really..and it bothers me. I`m sure it just hasn`t hit me yet. I`m sure that it will sink in and I will be a complete and total mess...but for now. I`m ok.

I miss him :(
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!!!A DECLARATION!!! [05 Feb 2004|12:52pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

TODAY IS OFFICALLY OVER!! I'm going back to bed...See ya tomorrow! *frown*

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Momma Said There'd Be Days Like This..... [05 Feb 2004|11:06am]
[ mood | cranky ]

Isn't that a song or something? *sigh* I am having a horrible day, and it's only 10:30. I want to go back to bed and hide under the covers and not come back out until tomorrow. I didn't sleep well last night at all, and yesterday was just the day from hell....so when I got home from work last night I took a shower and then chilled on the couch to watch American Idol. I ended up falling asleep about 9:30 or so and then about 11:30 my brother comes storming in the door, knocking stuff around. I hate being woken up in the first place, but being woken up by someone being rude just doesn't sit at the top of my "Things to be woken up by" list.

He went downstairs, changed his clothes and the came back upstairs. First thing he did was call his soon to be ex-wife and start yelling at her. That went on till the wee hours of the morning, so when I finally did go upstairs to go to sleep....I couldn't sleep anyway. Then my neighbors, who seemed to have forgotten that their bedroom is connected to mine, were gettin' it on and being VERY loud...louder than usual. It sucked. SO I ended up grabbing a pillow and blanket and going in Michaels room and falling asleep with him.

So this morning I overslept...I'm working from home today so it's not so bad, but Michael was late for school.. I got home and his dad calls and starts yelling at me about never calling him back last night. He hung up on me!! I'm supposed to call him back AFTER he hangs up on me? I really think NOT! So then he proceeds to tell me that he'll be here friday evening to pick michael up and that I will have to come pick him up Sunday evening. I'm sorry I've played that game once, I'm not playing it again. If he wants him...he should pick him up and bring him back..only fair! Besides, if he's gonna drive the 3 hours from Atlanta...then why shouldn't he be obligated to drive the 3 hours to bring him back? Then he told me he wasn't paying any more child support until he got regular visitation. It's not MY fault that he doesn't show up when HE says he will! I hate this..it's like a constant fight with him even when he's not here!

I'm just in one of those moods where you feel like everything makes you want to cry and you're not sure why. I'm just feeling all out of whack today...lonely, upset, confused, depressed, bored...you name it I feel it. I don't know what is up. I don't get this way very often, but when I do it isn't a pretty thing. I find myself tearing up over the dumbest, insignificant things, and then the things that should really bother me....really don't.

Oh well, i guess I will go for now. Hope all is well with everyone ...I'll talk to you soon!

5 comments|post comment

Something to Think About... [29 Jan 2004|11:43pm]
[ mood | bored ]

All i can say about this is wow.....My brother got this from a friend of his..

We Live In A Perfect WorldCollapse )

4 comments|post comment

:( [25 Jan 2004|01:21pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

I feel like my life is a mess.

Blah...Collapse )

20 comments|post comment

*LAKE PICTURES* :) [28 Dec 2003|07:49pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

3 comments|post comment

[19 Dec 2003|12:12pm]
I'm still alive if anybody cares...I'm leaving for Ohio in about an hour...i might post more later...I might not... See ya
5 comments|post comment

[12 Dec 2003|11:50am]
[ mood | crushed ]

I don't know why I bother....fuck it :(

3 comments|post comment

Obess Much? [11 Dec 2003|10:42pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

I am so obsessive over things sometimes. It's really rediculous. Today at work we were given our assignments for next weeks secret santas. Well, I was given the most picky, rude, inconsiderate, unappreciative, stuck up bitch chick that I work with. Last year, my friend Kendall had her, and all she did was complain about how 'cheap' the gifts she got were. So, of course I freaked out thinking "Omg what am I going to get her that isn't 'cheap'?!?!"

So I wandered around the mall for 2 1/2 hours after work looking for stuff for secret santa and I spent 100 bucks!! I'm insane! I really need to stop obsessing over things. I mean it's not like it happens all the time, but when it does it...really sucks. So even now, I am thinking "are these cheap?" lol I really need to stop. I don't look forward to it at all...I can hear her now. If she makes one comment i'll knock her ass out.

Michael has a gift exchange at school too. He saw a tonka truck at toys r us he wants to get for his friend...I told him probably not. So Dad took him shopping and got him that truck..now he doesn't want to give it away. I think that was his motive all along lol. Smart lil boy. So, I told dad he needs to go tomorrow and get a gift for his little friend lol.

Gary isn't able to come down this weekend and since I only work half a day on Friday, Dad said he'd watch Michael for me this weekend so I can go up and spend it with him. I'm actually really considering moving there instead of him moving here. I actually really like it there, and think it would just be better for all of us...especially if I can get a good job doing what I want there. It will still take a lot of thought but i'm leaning towards it...Will be a big step.

I am so tired, and my blood sugar is so out of whack I feel like I'm dizzy all the time. If it keeps up..I guess I'll have to go the dr, cus this sucks. I need to invest in one of those things that check my blood sugar level.

Anyway, I'm gonna go. I need to call Gary and then go to bed. Have a good night guys!

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My Three Things...Stolen From wbahner [09 Dec 2003|10:27pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

1. Men
2. Love
3. Stupidity

1. Spiders
2. Something happening to my son
3. Feeling insignificant

1. How to take better pictures
2. How to be more patient
3. How to trust more wisely

1. A TN titans sweatshirt
2. Grey sweats
3. Taz slippers

1. My Phone
2. Michael's cup
3. My keys

1. Visit Italy Again
2. Go to the land down under
3. See the world become a better place

1. Honest
2. Great friend
3. Trusting

1. Impatient
2. Trusting
3. Cynical *these were all me*

1. Italian
2. German
3. English ( i think) lol

1. My legs
2. My eyes
3. My smile

1. My one bad knee
2. My ears
3. My feet

1. I'm diabetic
2. I aced Psychology my first year of college because I was dating the professors son
3. My biggest fear is being alone

1. Whatever
2. I mean
3. My God


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That went... [09 Dec 2003|04:37pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

better than I expected. I spent 20 minutes outside the mediation room waiting for Rob to even show up...I was almost hoping he wouldn't but then nothing would have been solved. We went in and the hearing started, they went through all the mumbo jumbo of what we were there for and blah blah blah...they asked what we wanted to see happen, we told them. They gave us two offers...either 60% and 40% since Rob makes more than I do..or 50% and 50% and we can just do it evenly...we agreed on that.

Like I've said before I never really wanted support from him, but if he wasn't going to be in his life...he needed to do something. Well after court, we walked outside together and actually ended up sitting in my car talking for almost an hour about things. He wants michael the weekend after Christmas so he can see his family. I agreed to let him take him ONLY if he promises me no more games. He did, and he seemed pretty adamant about it.

He gave me a check today for 600 dollars and told me to consider that support he should have paid before. He also asked if he could see Michael today for a couple of hours, so he has him now. He said he is going to explain to Michael why he doesn't live here anymore and why he doesn't see him as often. He also said he would call more often now. We'll see. I really hope he is serious about being part of his life again.

We talked about my situation as well with Gary. He knows the whole story and seemed pretty ok with it. He said as long as I was happy he had no problems. He knows Michael loves him and I told him how much Gary loves and accepts Michael, so now that's over with I feel much better.

Hopefully it all stays that way. I was really worried about him throwing a fit over everything and then having to wait even longer but maybe he understands now how serious I am about things.

Anyway, I need to start on dinner, and get some other things accomplished. I'll post more later.

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:) [08 Dec 2003|10:47pm]
Gary has a journal...if any of you would like to add him :) He doesn't have any friends...besides me :)


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Grrr [08 Dec 2003|05:38pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

I swear it's like the Post Office just wants to rip you off anyway they can..I was on my way home and I hear on the radio that you have to pay extra postage on square christmas cards....I BOUGHT SQUARE CARDS!! Lol So yeah, now it's like 50 cents a card....How much does that suck...Where is THEIR christmas Spirit?!?!

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Anyone Else Ever Have A Sore Tongue? [30 Nov 2003|11:36am]
[ mood | sick ]

I have some weird freaky thing going on with my body right now. For the past couple of days I've had that feeling you get before you really really get sick. Like with the flu. Body aches, one minute you're sweating to death, the next you're teeth are chattering, dizzy spells, and the weirdest symptom that I've NEVER had....a sore tongue.

Dad made french fries last night, and I couldn't even touch the ketchup. It made my tongue burn like crazy, and any juice or anything like that kills me. And just about everything I drink or eat reminds me how sore it is. I didn't burn it or anything like that, it's just gotten progressively more sore over the past 2 days. I don't understand it and I don't get it...it sucks. And it's weird, and I am really freaking out about it ..LOL Sometimes it's even numb and tingling like when your foot falls asleep lol

But yeah, I feel like ass today. My stuffy nose, my achy body...it all really sucks. I swore I wasn't gonna get sick. I have so much to do around here today too. I have to do laundry, I have to hang blinds, I have to get my room cleaned up...all the clothes and stuff laying all over the place...(hence the laundry)....just so much to do and no energy to do it. Anyone wanna come help me? lol

Gary left this morning at 9:30, and he's already called me 3 times. How funny. He says he's bored driving home by himself. Ohio isn't that far..LOL Anyway, I really do need to go find some motivation...maybe it's in a motivation jar somewhere...*shrug*...Have a good day everyone!

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Happy Thanksgiving... [27 Nov 2003|11:11pm]
Well, I'm glad today is over even if it seemed to be an pretty good day. I can't believe all the food and people that have been in my house today. I got up at 6:30 this morning to get everything ready for lunch. Dad got up about half an hour later and helped me, while Gary and Michael were still concked out on the couch from last night. I made turkey, mashed potatoes, mac n cheese, cranberry sauce, green bean casserole, Sweet potatoe casserole, buttermilk biscuits, a pumpkin pie and a peanutbutter pie, dad made his juice that he always makes with pineapple juice, sprite, sunkist orange, and hawaiian punch, and Bryan brought beer and strawberry daquri mix, and 2 bags of ice, and pumpkin cookies, then mom and tony ended up bringing their ice cream maker and making home made chocolate mint ice cream. I've eaten so much today, that I can't hardly move now.

It was nice, we had some unexpected visitors show up, but it was good cus Michael and my nieces and nephews had some other kids to play with for a while. We had plenty of food so they stayed and ate dinner with us. Then we all ended up playing that game crainium that you always see the commercials for on tv....it was pretty fun. Gary seemed to fit in well with everyone...it was a blast. Bryan and Gary caught up a lot today, since they've been friends for a long time. I'm sure it was nice for them too. They made plans to go out tomorrow night :)

Then Grammy and Grammy ended up leaving early so they could go to my aunts house for dinner. Mom was a little mad I think but she got over it. I don't know, it was just really nice having my whole family together again, it's been years since that happened :)

Well, I'm stuffed and I want to go watch a movie, so Hope you all had a great great day! :)

oh and

Happy Birthday ANGIE (Spasticandsassy) I love ya Girlie!!

I hope you had a wonderful birthday!!
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Am I The Only One That Hates Holidays? [25 Nov 2003|09:46pm]
[ mood | tired ]

I went grocery shopping today after work for all the stuff for Thanksgiving. I am not a big fan of holidays, and this year it just seems to be worse than ever. For Christmas last year, I was at Dad's...for New Years I was in NYC, For Easter, I'm not sure what I did but it was something with family here, and for 4th of July, I went to a friends and laid drunk in their pool all night. Halloween was only good because Michael had fun, and here it is Thanksgiving and I'm ready to just crawl in bed and sleep till Friday.

It's not bad enough that my all around mood turns horrible at the mere mention of a holiday, but the fact that people become 100% more stupido around holidays almost pushes me over the edge of sanity. Today I left work and drove straight to Krogers, thinking it would be easier to just do all my shopping today instead of waiting until tomorrow, since I hadn't even gotten a turkey or anything yet. So I go in, and the place was packed. People were pushing people, almost running people over with carts. I saw one lady grab a couple of things out of someone eles cart just so she didn't have to go find her own. How pathetic and selfish is that? So I finally got everything on my list and stood in line for 25 minutes because the lady in front of me was obviously buying enough food to feed the troops in iraq. Two carts packed full of stuff.

So I get back to the car, put everything inside and realize there is now a lovely little ding on my fender, from a run away cart no doubt. You can't even really see it unless you really look for it, but I know it's there, and that really pissed me off. So, all the way home I kept trying to chill out because I didn't want to get home with an attitude. When I pulled up Gary came outside to meet me and help carry in groceries. Michael came out and got some of the light stuff, and when everything was inside I threw the stuff that needed to go in the fridge and freezer in them, and then went and plopped down on the couch.

Gary had finished painting the dining room and kitchen, and had also put up all the Thanksgiving decorations we got at the mall last week. Michael picked out this 3 foot inflatable turkey, so it's sitting here in the middle of the living room floor where he left it, only 1/3 of the way inflated lol

I don't know, I just don't feel like my family is really a family anymore, and the holidays just aren't the same as they used to be. I don't get anything out of it anymore really. The only reason I do anything at Christmas at all is because of Michael. I mean I feel like I have a lot to be thankful for this year, but then again I feel like there is so much I could just do without. Mom, Tony and Jazzy are all coming here, along with Grammy, Grampy, Bryan and his 2 daughters, Chuck, Jenna and Colin, and then there will be of course, me, Gary and Michael. 14 people in my little dining room...that should be fun.

I am also going to walmart at 5 am on Friday and pick up some stuff that is really marked down. I plan on getting a dvd player and a new tv for Michael's room for him for Christmas. I also want to get him a remote control hummer that he saw that he really wants. He's real into trucks and cars and stuff so I want to get him a bunch of those..and of course some clothes. I have some other stuff I want to pick up for some other people too. So yeah, that should be fun...lol

Anyway, I'm gonna go. I'm starting to get a little tired of LJ...So if I'm not around much that's probably why....Talk to you guys soon... :)

<3 Chellie

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OMG [23 Nov 2003|05:55pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]


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